No vapors of any kind.



My big sister, Sarah, is getting MARRIED!! In just two short weeks from today she will be officially become Mrs. Randy Randerson and to celebrate her bachelorette-hood coming to an end we purchased fancy dresses, road beers and sensible shoes and headed to good ol’ Las Vegas. Now, there are three things you need to know about Sarah.

  1. She hates most people.
  2. She hates crowds…. because she hates people and confined spaces.
  3. She hates clubs (you see how these all tie together, right?).

So, I’m not sure how we landed on Vegas but land on Vegas, we did and it was A BLAST! We watched a show, scavenger hunted the strip and beer pong our hearts out. I could go on, but if you’ve heard one Vegas party story, you’ve heard them all. So instead, I’ll tell you about how one careless move with a weed stick almost cost us the whole trip.

Night one was coming to a close. Our makeup was off. Moisturizer and jammies were on. we were just about to doze off.

Let me back this up a little. Six girls were in attendance, in one room, thanks to my trusty air mattress. However, I only paid for two of us because, I’m sorry, forty extra bucks per person, per night, is flipping excessive.

So I’m laying with my tiny southern friend on said blowup mattress… almost asleep. My little sister is puffing on the Devil’s grass ( I was unaware, because her weedstick produces a vapor, but no smell) and Sarah walks over to take a drag and blows the vapor RIGHT INTO THE SMOKE DETECTOR in our smoke free room!!

If you’ve ever been in a school fire drill, you know the sound. I jump up, launching my tiny southern friend up on her feet and screamed, “Oh my god, security is gonna come! GET OUT!!” It was chaos! Little sis threw the sheet off her and her weed stick into oblivion. Big sis, little sis and company ran out of the room shoeless, braless, and phoneless ro roam the halls and dodge security until further notice….which, they would never get, because they all left their phones. It was up to me and tiny to hide the mattress and all evidence of extra girls in the room. First, we tried behind the curtains. You know what that looked like? That’s right!It looked like a matress shoved behind curtains. Then, we tried to put it in the shower. Nope, couldn’t even get it in through the bathroom door. Back behind the curtains it went. We piled everything else we could grab, even our own shit,  into the closet by the door (minus a cpl beers, because I needed one now) and waited.

AND WAITED…. and waited. “Uh, does nobody notice our room could potentially be on fire?” I called them, twice. Nothing. Tiny called, nothing. We asked concerned passersby…NOTHING! Finally I asked our neighbors to call in a noise complaint. They said they would have security address the issue immediately. So, two girls on fire is no big deal but two girls disturbing the sleep of a neighboring guest gets attention. Good to know, Flamingo, good to know.

Now, here are a couple of things you need to know about me.

  1. I have REAL bad anxiety
  2. I was PMSing

By the time security arrived, the noise of the alarm had me shoulders deep in panic… and i was hungry. So instead of giving him a reason for the alarm sounding off, i did what i do best and acted 100% irrational. “What do you MEAN, what happened? What happened to you Paul Blart?” “Huh Cinderella? Get lost on your way to the ball?” “The machine is defective, obviously, we could be DEAD right now!”

Since there was no smell and no obvious signs of a fire he determined it was the steam from the shower. He stepped up onto the bed and unscrewed the alarm, immediately shutting of the sound.

“Um… excuse me, why could the front desk just told me to do that? We could have been back in bed by now”

“Well, ma’am, because you could have broken it”

“Why? Because I’m a woman?”

Him: Nothing

*exit Paul Blart*

After about twenty minutes the girls returned.. they had seen some things, unmentionable things. Little sis lost a little bit of her soul in the halls of Flamingo, Las Vegas. We promised not to enjoy any vapor of any kind inside our smokeless room and enjoyed the rest of vacay without incident.







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One Response to No vapors of any kind.

  1. Big Sis says:



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