My name is Erin and I have a kangaroo pouch. It’s okay… it’s bullshit but it’s ok. So today, like most days, I took my unenthused behind to the gym. CARDIO DAY!!! I really only went because I was supposed to see my pal Erika and her ring. This is how it went.
*Walk into gym. Drop Mykah off in day care. Realize I left my PHONE in car. Exit gym. Return to car and retrieve phone. Walk back into gym and into basketball court. Kiss hubs and high-five him for schoolin all those fools. Get on treadmill…. get off at 3mins and 8secs. Sit on stretch mats and chat with Erika about how she DIDN’T bring the ring in because her
boyfriend fiance sucks (jk… we love him). Pretend to do abs for 15 seconds. Pick up Mykah . Exit gym.*
Why did I leave you ask? PMS is the excuse today. Yesterday my excuse was “I’m sad.”
Here is a list of other excuses I’ve used to get off the treadmill.
- My shoe came untied.
- I was too close to the fan (I hate air blowing on me.)
- The treadmill was too loud.
- One of my headphones quit working.
- I realized Grey’s Anatomy was about to start in 20minutes.
- I couldn’t find a good song on Pandora.
- Someone got onto the treadmill next to me.
- Girls next to me were talking so loud I could hear them over my headphones.
- Someone farted….. twice.
- I thought I started my period…. I just peed a little, I guess.
- I actually started my period.
- The subtitles on the T.V. were all jumbled.
- Sports were playing on the T.V. in front of me.
- I knocked my phone onto the track, which catapulted it into the wall behind me.
- Rigo called me. I cannot be interrupted!!
- My shorts wouldn’t stop creeping up my butt.
- My underwear were not “run friendly”.
I applaud cardio queens. Honest. The fact that you can run in place and have the determination to think of anything other than getting the hell out of there baffles me. And please, don’t come at me with that “Just run outside” nonsense. No… that’s where cars, dogs, kidnappers and the heat live.