You’re not allowed to date just because I died.

During a recent get together, I overheard a friend (a husband and father of three) say, “Yeah, I think if (Blank) ever died, I would want to find someone who also has kids. They know the struggle of being a single parent and we could have a blended family and blah blah, blah….”

Ummm, what?! (Blank) is standing right here. In this room. (Blank) can hear you!

(Blank) didn’t seem to mind. She’s obviously cool with it. She has probably thought of the type of guy she’d want to scoop up if anything ever happened to her husband.

So, that got me thinking of my own relationship and what happens should death wrap his boney-ass arms around me. And I decided I JUST WANT RIGO TO STAY SINGLE IF I DIE! Is that really so much to ask? Yes? I thought you might say that.


“Unless you drive onto some black ice and plow into a semi. Then I’m going after Angela from HR”. Gross. So let me get this straight; I’m going to spend my life turning this bare house into a pintrest worthy retreat just for some floozy to enjoy it? So she can filled my picture frames with her memories with you? Ten bucks says she doesn’t appreciate my Hobby Lobby finds.

Ugh and the kids! “Sure, mommy was great….but she’s gone now. This is Brandi, she’s going to raise you” ….No thank you. Just dad is fine. I know Roman would be cool with that.

Sure, Rigo is ALLOWED to date. As long as he doesn’t mind being haunted, forever. I’ll just plant my Casper behind on our couch. Waiting….judging. Scaring the cat. Lighting little ghost fires in the bathroom. I’m not gonna move on just because he did. I’m a stage 5 clinger for life (and I guess afterlife). And if he thinks that he’s just gonna meet me later in Heaven and I’ll take him back he’s got another thing comin. HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE AN ANGEL ERIN SCORN!

Please, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t want Rigo to spend a moment being unhappy. I truly hope that when I’m gone, the rest of his days are filled with joy and laughter and good company….And celibacy.

I hope that his dinner is always warm, and his bed is always cold.

I hope that his glass is half full, and his heart is empty.

I know, I’m crazy….. whatever. He’s into it.




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