Be anything you want to be.. but don’t be a liar.

Something is happening. My once sweet, SWEET baby is turning on me. The sass that is erupting from the top of her head is insane. I’m pretty sure she has been body snatched, but instead of leaving her some emotionless shell, I’ve been dealt a completely unstable, chronically hungry, paranoid 7year old who has mastered eye-rolling and deep sighing. She hasn’t yet mastered removing her stinky-ass socks from my guest bathroom even though I remind her every.single.day….but she has eye rolling down.13876125_1665329813788517_8390590982557311993_n

Don’t let this adorable mugshot fool you. Mykah is no angel… not anymore!

She sneaks the cat into her room every morning KNOWING that her room has been declared a cat-free zone ever since Penny decided to use her dirty clothes hamper as a litter box.

Mykah invites her bestie to sleep over and then spends the weekend riding waves of giggles, followed by waves of tears, followed by waves of silent treatment and then giggles again.

(LOL I can barely write ‘giggles’ without thinking of my sister’s old email address. Ask her what it is.. just ask her)

She has real life breakdowns because “Being a kid is hard”. I’m not sure what could be so hard about having a your own personal chauffeur, cook, maid, back tickler, story-teller, clothes shopper, entertainer, dishwasher and dog trainer… but apparently, my daughter has it rough.

Honestly, it’s not so bad. I signed myself up for this and compared to myself as a child, Mykah is a SAINT! I can handle the shenanigans. What i cannot handle is the lying.

Mykah, like most kids do, has figured out that she can possibly avoid punishment by pretending that nothing punishment worthy has happened. Unfortunately for her, she lies about as well as I do (which is not very well at all). Typically, as soon as the lie escapes her mouth, you can see the guilt immediately rush to her brain and ooze out those beautiful eyeballs of hers. And if you press her to tell the truth she will usually release the tears and confess her sins.

But every once in a while, she pulls a fast one on me.

So one day I was picking Mykah up from school and as soon as she gets into the car she tells me she got into trouble for talking to the boy who sits next to her in class. NO.BIG.DEAL… I told her to “Cut that shit out.” and that was the end of it. It wasn’t until the next morning when I was signing her homework sheet (in the drop off line because I was too lazy to check it the night before), that I saw the note from her teacher that read “Mykah went on ‘yellow’ today for stomping on another student’s, her bestie, hand. Not by accident. Not because her bestie did anything to her first. She stomped on her hand because her bestie was ignoring her.

i.lost.my.SHIT! Right there in front of everyone.

I demanded that she apologize to her friend AND to her friend’s mother. I told her that had it not been for my laziness, she would have gotten the butt whoopin’ of a lifetime.

It wasn’t what she did. It was the lie. No guilt and no confession later. Just a bold-face lie. She told me that she knew she was going to be in trouble for going on yellow and that she would be in double trouble if I knew the reason why (she was right), so she made something up. I was so hurt! I spent most of the day thinking of what I would say to her and the punishment I was going to deliver.

So, later that night… she was lectured by Rigo and myself. We took away T.V and tablet and let her know how disappointed the two of us were. But I didn’t want to just move on and have to punish her over and over for lying. So after her teeth were brushed, jammies were on and her room was cleared of monsters, I sat with her and told her this.

“Mykah, you are in trouble. You are in trouble today and you will be in trouble MANY more times before you are an adult and that is OK. You are SUPPOSED to be getting in trouble. Getting in trouble is a good thing, baby, because it teaches you what is right and what is wrong. That’s how you learn to be a good person when you are grown.

But you can’t lie to me, Mykah. There are going to be times in your life that I’ll  have to defend you to others. Maybe to a teacher, or a parent or anyone else.. and I will because that’s my job as your mommy. I can’t do that if I don’t know whether or not you are lying to me. So I need you to tell me the truth no matter what, even if that means you will be in trouble.”

My mom told me that last part about lying when I was a kid and it has ALWAYS stuck with me. Unless I’m playing or drunk I typically don’t lie.. not to people I love, not even about the little stuff because I want to be sure that I’m believed when the big things happen. Also, like I said before, I’m a pretty horrible liar… I have no poker face whatsoever.

She looked at me like she half got it… and maybe I was half crazy. It’s been about a week… so I guess we will see.

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