I recently attended a bridal shower for a co-worker of mine that was thrown by her mother-in-law in the most BEAUTIFUL smelling home I’ve ever entered. It was like a mix of apples, cinnamon, pumpkin spice and heaven! And it filled every room.. there was no corner unscented. It was everything I’ve ever wanted for my own home. I know, reaaaall shallow life goals, Erin. I don’t care. Some people want their homes to be filled with love and memories… I want mine to smell like a bakery. So of course, I ask what kind of sorcery was in play and she was happy to let me in on her secret …. which wasn’t even a secret, it was Glade plug-ins and simmered potpourri.

The next day I stocked up…minus the potpourri. I cant leave the oven on like that; I will start a fire and besides, I cook things on the stove….lots of things. Also, Rigo might eat the potpourri if I don’t tell him that it’s not for eating. Anyway, lots of plug-ins now occupy my walls. I have candles, oil warmers, diffusers.. you name it, I have it!

It.Does.Nothing! It smelled good for about a day and a half. After that, it was back to trash… and dog. And when I asked mother-in-law of co-worker of mine what was I doing wrong that she was doing so right, she  laughed and said, “Well, I don’t live with kids! My house definitely didn’t smell like that when all my children still lived at home”.

I didn’t think much of the convo until I started cleaning up this morning, just like I clean up every morning when Rigo leaves to work.(Usually, unless I’m busy or I don’t feel like it) As I was doing my initial sweep of the house I realize I see the same mess everyday and no matter how often I clean, that same mess is going to be waiting the next morning. The same smells, every morning…no matter what. Not gonna lie, it makes me a little sad that I will have a semi stinky house for at least the next 17 years and there isn’t a WHOLE lot I can do about it. For the next 17 years or so there are some things I am just going to have to accept.

I’m going to have to accept that there is ALWAYS going to be half chewed cereal puffs cemented to the carpet. I’m going to have to accept that there will always be, what I hope is fruit pouch splatter, all over various walls of the house. There will water bottles, Gatorade bottles….wine bottles, everywhere. Always. I will always open the microwave and find a half full coffee cup from the day before that I never got around to drinking. There will be sand that trails from the front door to my daughters room, everyday, because she will never remember to empty her shoes BEFORE entering. As long as I live with boys, there will always be urine all over the floor/walls/ceiling in the guest bathroom and until my kids get their shit together, there will be toothpaste finger painted murals on the bathroom counter. There will be crumbs on every surface in my house until further notice.


I am going to have to accept that for the next 17 years I will be locked into a game of “Find the Smell’ and after each smell is found it will linger 5-7 days. My glade plug-ins will always have a hint of baby ass and spit. Hopefully, the sweet aroma of holiday cooking isn’t overpowered by my 7years old’s “I just wore cowboy boots for 3 weeks straight without changing my socks” feet, but it’s not looking good. I will always have to battle teenage hygiene with Clorox and candles, both of which I can’t use if the baby is home.

I am just going to have to accept that, until I am menopausal… my home is doomed to smell like a fart factory.

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