Before I even begin… let me open with this:
I am a professional. When it comes to superficial matters of the body, I know what I’m doing. There is a license to touch people with my name on it.
With that being said, I don’t know what I was thinking last night when I decided to give myself a Brazilian wax.
My skin is super sensitive, especially when it comes to shaving. Nothing helps. I’ve tried it all. So I decided to grow out the bush and wax it off. My skins still freaks when I wax but at least I don’t have to do it as often. When I was pregnant with Roman I used to get waxed down there because I couldn’t reach my goods with these T-rex arms and a baby in the way. And let me just tell you; it is the WORST!
You know how when you’re afraid to do something and then you do it and you’re like “That wasn’t so bad”. Yeah, that doesn’t happen with a Brazilian. It hurt WAY more than I imagined. It is what nightmares are made of. However, Cassie at EWC said that the reason it hurt so bad was because I was pregnant; once all the baby hormones wore off, it wouldn’t be so bad. I like to think I have a pretty decent pain threshold. In fact, my coworker has done her own with zero issue….if she can do hers, I can do mine, right?
WRONG! My coworker is obviously a freak of nature ( a beautiful one).
And Cassie and EWC, you’re a GD liar!
I bought REALLY good wax… I showered and prepped my skin for waxing. I drank a cpl glasses of champagne. Hell, I even waxed my arms just for funzies. (And Rigo’s feet… and part of his shin… I was gonna do more and then realized that I would run out of wax if I tried to do his whole leg).
OK, so then I built the courage to B my V. I decided to start on the outside (around my chony lines) and work my way in. So I dipped my stick, slathered up one side…dipped a different stick, slathered up the other side. I stood there like a cowboy in a gentlemen’s duel for about 30 seconds before I yanked the wax from my right side AND SCREAMED! No- not screamed…screeched. I can’t believe the sound didn’t shatter my champagne glass! It was a mixed between downhill Mariah Carey and my garbage disposal. I was hot AND cold at the same time. I wanted to call for Rigo but I had spent the whole day saying “Psh, it’s not a big deal… it’s just wax”
I looked down at my left side and immediately started sweating.
First I asked myself, “Ok, realistically, how long will this wax stay on my body before it just falls off by itself? Probably only two weeks. I can live with that”
Then I was like “Don’t be dumb. You can get this off. Maybe it wont be as bad now that you’re use to it and we can carry on with the rest of the de-hairing.”
So I bent down to take a deep breath….. and DIPPED THE TIP OF MY BUN INTO THE WAX!
What.the.FUCK!? I couldn’t even look. I just stood there… in front of my mirror with my eyes closed. “Perfect, now we get to shave our head, Erin (I suddenly developed another personality)”. “Maybe it’s not so bad… maybe we can get away with cutting it into a lob”…. I opened my eyes.
There was no wax in my hair, LOL! I totally over reacted. I must’ve just brushed the side of the pot warmer and a few stray hairs got caught. PHEW!
I took that moment of relief to my advantage and yanked off the left strip of wax. I examined the fresh skin below… looked back at myself in the mirror…. smiled and said,
And hopped in the shower and shaved like a normal person.